You're Engaged! Exciting! Now, where do you start?
Naomi + Benny by Milton Gan
Perhaps over the holidays you were sitting elegantly on a sun lounger, gin and tonic in one hand, the other fanning your face, when suddenly a very important ring was slipped onto a very important finger. Or maybe it didn’t happen exactly like that, but the ending of the story is the same. This is a big time of year for brides-to-be and we understand why.
So, You’re engaged - Hooray!
There are hundreds of spreadsheets, lists, and other things that make your head spin when you start the wedding planning process. We know how bloody overwhelming it can all get (which is why we have beautiful and handy tools in store like the Together X An Organised Life Wedding Planner in store at MF HQ), so we’re not here to give you more headaches during your wedding planning journey.
However, over the past 12 years of photographing weddings and having our first year with Mrs Fray well and truly under our belts we have been fortunate enough to see hundreds of wedding journeys start to finish. We’ve seen what to do (and the opposite), and come up with a few solid ideas about the best way to go about things when you’re wedding planning.
Today, we wanted to give you our First Four suggestions on what to plan out first.
1. Before anything, breathe.
As with anything in life, wedding planning with a frantic hand doesn’t work 11 times out of 10. We know how easy it is to get overly amped at a rapid rate when one gets engaged, to dive in head first, and then realise just how deep the water is. But believe us when we say, this will be an entirely different (and far more enjoyable) process if you’re able to start out with some mellow headspace.
So, first, have a glass of water. Have a quick Headspace. Maybe do a yoga class. Then, buy a Wedding Planner from us and get-to-listing.
Patricia + David at the National Arboretum Canberra by Milton Gan
2. Venue (+ Date)
This is a natural first step. The venue is selected as the furthest thing in advance, and from their availability you’re given an array of dates from which they’re available. With that information you’re then able to determine which date you’re after —which gives you a timeline to work with, a season to plan around, and an end goal— so it truly starts moulding the shape of the wedding date from here.
The date determines everything from how long you’ll be waiting until this massive party arrives to if you’re able to rock sleeves or not (40 degrees? 10 degrees? it changes the game). So start with envisioning what kind of location you’d like to get married in and go from there.
For some couples, the venue is a given. Maybe there’s a family property with an oak tree that lends itself to infinite romance (and affordability). For others, it was when they attended their best-friends-cousin’s wedding at a gorgeous location like Bendooley Estate years ago that it seemed set in the stone of their dreams that that’s where their nuptials needed to be.
Hayley + Tom at Parlour by Jenny Wu
3. Photographer
Our obvious bias isn’t a misleading pro-tip, we promise you that. But choosing your photographer is just as big of a deal as you think it might be (dangerous to claim bigger than the dress, mayhems, but…?)
Why? Your freshly engaged brain might ask.
Well, we’ll tell you why. Aside from your ring, dress, and newly adorned life partner on paper, your photos are the other thing you get to keep after the wedding day. Not only that, in the memory of how everything went, whether they are able to give your memories back to you in a way that helps you remember what it was really like to be there, then your memory can last forever. So a talented photographer can help you relive the story of that amazing party over and over again.
It might also be a little lesser known fact to you, but on your wedding day you end up spending more time with your photographer than pretty much anyone else. Gone are the days of geared-up togs making you and your family stop to pose formally on different sets of steps throughout the whole day, before calling it good. In this day and age (thankfully) wedding photographers are more like photojournalists than anything else. So on the wedding day they’ll be trailing you, hiding nearby, ducking in and out, and getting all that candid goodness that you won’t even be able to understand how they got it. All this said, it’s worth selecting a photographer based on their brilliant personality as well. If you’re happy to be around that person for the duration of your wedding day (and they increase the fun/happiness/vibe of it all), you’ve picked a good one.
Emi + Nick by Dan O’Day
4. Dress
Well, of course, Mrs Frays… Of course.
So often we find —as we found in our own wedding planning journeys— that somehow when the dress is decided upon, the rest of the details seem to fall into place after that. Call it society or our own expectations that we’ve put on ourselves for this effort, the dress seems to provide a tonne of expectation and pressure for a bride. We wish it wasn’t so anxiety riddled, but we know how easy it is to feel that way. But somehow, this magic piece of silk (or stretch lace, crepe, or…) turns up being the missing puzzle piece in the middle that pulls everything else into place.
Once you’ve decided on a dress that feels infinitely gorgeous, totally you, and wonderfully special (like all my adjectives there?), you have a vision in your mind of what you want to look like on your wedding day. So from there: shoes, accessories, fun jackets, party shoes, etc. etc. etc. You’re only a few steps away now from coming to a complete picture of your epic wedding day.
We’ve said it once and we’ll say it 1,000 times more, but process of elimination is the name of the game. Trying everything on and figuring out what you like/don’t like is the place to start from when you’re narrowing down to the perfect gown for you.
Trunk shows at Mrs Fray are and excellent place to start while you explore the extended and new collections of our in house designers we love for the limited time that they grace the racks at Mrs Fray. You love Karen Willis Holmes - great well you’re in luck. From the 13th - 24th January 2021 Karen’s latest collection ELOPE will be on show, so secure your appointment for a time to come in this month and try gowns (suits and a jumpsuit) that we don’t usually have in store.
So you ask, when should I ideally start shopping for my dress?
In our experience the ideal time to begin shopping for your dress is 9-12 months in advance of your wedding date and the sweet spot to make your dress / outfit official is 8-10 months in advance of your wedding date. This ensures you have plenty of time try on lots of different options and won’t feel rushed to make such a special decision.
The average lead time for our designers to create your gown is around 5 months and we always suggest (if time permits) to have your dress/outfit delivered 6-8 weeks prior to your wedding date to allow plenty of time for any minor alterations you may require for example having your hem taken up.
Most of our designers require five months to create your gown, but if you’re in a pinch many offer what is a called a “rush order” which means they can deliver your gown in much less time (sometimes as little as eight weeks). However a small fee is usually payable on top of the price of your gown. For very tight deadlines it’s worth considering The Luxe collection of gowns by Karen Willis Holmes, as they are sometimes in stock and can be delivered straight away.
The divine ELOPE by Karen Willis Holmes designs, captured by Jessica Ruscoe in the south of France
Once you’ve locked in the big three, you’re often gifted a gap of time from which you can step back, have another breath, and let some time pass before jumping into logistics again. So many brides tell us that they love the span of time between the bigs getting sorted and the little details demanding attention, so we highly recommend it where you can. If you’re allowed a bit of space, it means you get to enjoy the zen process of filling that little wedding planner, writing up your dreams, and watching them fall into place one-by-peaceful-one.
And of course, as always, know that the ladies at Mrs Fray are always keen for a chat, happy to help and advise, and beyond happy to pour you a champagne while you discuss your hopes, dreams, and fears. So come in store to see us anytime, dress appointment or otherwise - we’re here and so, so happy to help on your journey to wedding festivities.
