Embrace The Silly Season
I was standing in line at Big W the other day, juggling two awkwardly shaped packets of NERF ammunition for my younger nephews who don’t understand the first thing about commercialism. And as I made a mental check mark on this item from the 654 things on my to do list, I looked around and saw similarly frazzled and unkept faces of desperate mums and aunties around me. I had to ask myself: why?
The three year old who will be running around my house on Christmas Day, pelting my eyeballs with unsolicited NERF bullets, wouldn’t know the difference between this or anything else, and yet, I put myself through the chaos of parking at this shop and wait in an unruly queue for a wish list orchestrated only by his parents. How do we, even-keeled, rational people, get sucked into the frenzy of this holiday, every damn year? I longed for a slower paced holiday lead up; for sitting in front of the glowing tree, drinking a hot cup of anything, wearing a cosy sweater, and letting the crooners sing sweetly into my mellowed out ears.
In this 41 degree heat, it might be hard to plan that moment sweater and all (and we might just switch that beverage out for a chilled Rosé), but today I’ve thought of a few whimsy tips for embracing (instead of frantically running through) the silly season this year.
Come with me, friends, and live vicariously through my Alaskan dreams of one childhood white Christmas after another. Let’s bring some cheer into this brutally warm holiday and help ourselves enjoy every drop of it, with as little stress as we can.
Orchestrate the Moment
So it might not be a sweater. But that moment where you’re drinking in the deliciousness of gift giving can absolutely be created for yourself. I have a enormously generous, beautiful friend named Alice who wrote on social media last week about how divine she found the experience of wrapping up presents for her friends. She’d set aside time for this, space to enjoy it. She’d dimmed lights and made a drink and had the lounge room to herself. Each parcel she got to sing a song over while she merrily wrapped it’s edges in scotch tape and eucalypt leaves under it’s bows.
I know for many of us that kind of space and time can seem impossible with the lives we lead, but I do sincerely believe that so often it’s because we don’t allow ourselves the space. Those who want to work out every day but have 3 children and a full time job, wake up before humans should be awake and make themselves a green smoothie, right? Same principle, I feel, comes from allowing ourselves to book in a time for whimsy. If it’s after everyone else is in bed, if it’s at the crack of dawn when the world sleeps, remember that that space is yours to take and the energy you put into it can be so beautiful.
If it’s not a ‘Hell Yes’ it’s a ‘Hell No’
My best friend said this to me recently and it felt like the most perfectly timed mantra for the holidays. I don’t know about you, but overcommitment seems to be my love language. I wring myself out with every last drop of my being and there’s nothing left for me to have at the end. What I learn more and more lately is how terrible a way that is to love people, because it’s giving them a fraction of myself instead of complete, healthy Andi. There’s no better time than the holidays to embrace the space and take care of yourself before others around you. If you’re not 1,000% sure you’d like to stand in that Christmas cocktail party and small talk about bush fires for 3.5 hours tomorrow night (and your mental health may emerge far more whole if you didn’t), then it’s a hell no, sister. Millenials love the buzzword “boundaries,” and the holiday season is the best time to use the heck out of it.
Treat Yo’ Self
Once you’ve said ‘no’ to that party you weren’t up for, this is the time to fully embody that boundary for yourself. Whether it’s booking yourself in for a 60 minute yoga class tomorrow or finally buying that pair of Brie Leon Organica Bent Hoops you’ve been wanting for months, nows the time girl. Giving yourself that little bit of dopamine amidst the chaos can do wonders for bringing the whole and beautiful self to your holiday brunch on Wednesday. I know I would much rather be the one who’s skin is glowing over Christmas crackers than the one who looks as tired as she feels (thanks Aunty, you don’t have to mention how tired I look again…).
Self care takes many forms, so whatever looks right for you, holiday-you needs it the most.
Book Yourself In For Rest & Recovery
Whether you’re hosting or just surviving three family holiday drive-bys in one day, the entire process of enjoying family can absolutely be one of the most wrecking things you do all year. There’s multiple dynamics, tiny dramas, drunk uncles, moderately disappointed faces when presents are opened, the turkey being too dry, the pressure (oh, the pressure!) that we put on ourselves for everyone to enjoy themselves 102% of the time! All that nonsense gets our adrenal glands working over time (and not in a good way).
So take a nap. Go to the movies by yourself (no one else is right now on a Tuesday at 10:45 am, btw). Get a pedicure. Take 5 to write a heartfelt Christmas card. Come into Mrs Fray and have a champagne with us (not joking!) from now through Sunday at 5 pm. Avoid IKEA altogether. Hide from the world and binge Mad Men start to finish (again! Apparently it’s even better the second time!) Take care, take care, take care, of yourselves, my darlings.
Feel Your Feet Firmly On The Ground
This is a super power I’ve recently learned through meditating with Headspace (great pro tip for surviving the holidays also, btw) — when all panic or anxiety or overwhelm sets in, our head starts to make it worse by thinking about what we’re thinking about (how silly are humans!). So instead of just feeling stress, we start thinking about stress, thinking about why we’re stressed, playing it over and over again in our heads. And all that nonsense makes it worse.
So, instead of getting angry (and then angrier and angrier) when your mum makes a passive aggressive comment about how much mayonnaise you put in the potato salad, wherever you’re standing, make notice of what your feet feel like on the ground. Just that. Oh, there are my feet; that’s the weight of my body.
It’s actually amazing what taking your brain out of your head for a moment can do for your mental balance. Sometimes that ten second reset is all we need to gently turn to the side, smile genuinely and say, “okay Mum, thanks for your input.”
My parents did a terrific job when I was kid at creating a blissful, whimsical, magic environment around the holidays. It meant story books, advent calendars, traditions, and baking orange cinnamon scrolls. As we age, we tend to lose our talent for rose coloured glasses and embracing the magic of things — and more often than not I believe that’s because of pressure and stresses we put on ourselves.
I want to go back to that magic. And even if this time it’s only 20 minutes of my every day, or paired with that rosé instead of cocoa, I think it’s a totally achievable goal this holiday season.
Above all, beautiful Mrs Frays, we wish you the happiest of holidays in 2019, with the most love you’ve felt with friends and family in a long time, with little orchestrated moments of magic, and bottomless chardonnay.
Love, hugs, and self care from both of us.
xx Andi & Amy
